Existential Crisis

Hey there Lancers! This a new column being written by Griffen Fury and Jasmin G. This column will contain theories that may cause you to question your life and all of existence.There will be no set number of these interesting theories.We will be back when the newspaper resumes. Here are a few to get us started…

  1. The name your parents gave you is just a sound that defines you for the rest of your life.
  2. When we said the most important part of the body is the brain, the brain told us this. The brain must be really egotistical, or wanted itself very important.
  3. People who study the human mind are just brains studying brains.
  4. We could all be figments of your imagination, or  you may not exist.
  5. Some black holes may just be wormholes in disguise.
  6. There is a theory that if the answer to life the universe and everything and the question to life the universe and everything are united in the same universe, the universe will be replaced with something even more complex and confusing.*
  7. There is another theory that this has already happened.*
  8. In reality, to the universe our lives are just little blips, Aspire to have your life be something worth seeing.
  9. You have never been in the same place twice because Earth and the universe are always hurtling through space.
  10. There is a theory that if there were time machines and you went back in time doing something minor like killing a bug or stepping on grass, your actions could change the whole world. This could have already happened and the world is drastically different and we would never know.
  11. Insanity is basically sanity; insane people are just more aware of what is going on.
  12. Oxygen (or something else in the air) could be poisonous and slowly killing us, which is why people die around the same time. The reasons our life spans have gotten longer could be because we have built up more resistance, such as with lactose.
  13. Oxygen could be causing us to have hallucinations and the whole world could be in our own minds. This would explain why when we stop breathing oxygen (when we black out), we can’t see anything.
  14. The universe might have been created last Thursday and our minds were just programmed with the knowledge and “memories” we have.
  15. When you think about it, everything came from something, and nothing can come from nothing. Existence and creation is infinite, but since nothing can come from nothing, it is likely that nothing exists. This means something must make up atoms, and something must make up what makes up atoms, and so on.
  16. Oh, one more thought before we go, The Milky Way Galaxy and Andromeda galaxy will collide in about four billion years.

* Theories 6 and 7 are from the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. 8 is from RAVENCLAWHOUSEPRIDE.TUMBLER.COM

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